Why do children always want to hear the same story? And should we worry about it?

Usually in workshops parents ask this question:

"Why do children always want to hear the same story?"

It is true, whoever has read or told stories to children is familiar with these demands:

"Tell me the story where the man fell in the hole..."
"I want the one where the princess lost her crown..."

"no not this one..."

"no, not a new one!!"

This of course may lead parents to wander if their child lacks curiosity or if they should force novelty on them, in brief parents wander whether this obsession is good for their children.

The short answer:  "It's good for them".

Now for the long one:

Bruno Bettelheim, a psychoanalyst who specializes in chidren and their need for fairy tales, says that children feel safe when they hear a story they have already heard, and that it reinforces the path of learning.

So when a child wants to hear the little red ridding hood again and again, he or she feels safe because he knows what will happen, no lions coming out of the woods, no pianos falling on the grand-mother, no getting lost on the way, just the usual wolf eating the usual grand-mother, like I said... a blissful feeling of safety...we've been there before, done that before...so the child can let the story take him away safely.

It's a little like climbing on a canoe without a paddle, if we don't know the river, we wouldn't try it, after all there could be a waterfall or fast currents just around the corner, but if we know the river, if we've been there before, then we can trust it, and let it carry us away on its currents, we will be safe.

I think as a child one of my favorite things to do was to get into an big old inflated truck tire (the inside part) and let myself float down the creak...the currents would take me left and right, back and forth, sometimes I'd get stuck on some big rock and have to push with my feet but most of the time I was  being carried, letting go of all control is great, but it takes trust. To me, letting a story I like and have heard 30 times already carry me away, feels like that that.

As for reinforcing the paths of learning? Children are excellent at prescribing themselves the story medicine they need.  The stories they ask for again and again, are the stories which help them digest and understand the world around them.