Ten years ago, when I moved to Turkey after spending most of my life in France and the US, I was moved to see how alive gift culture was in this country. For me to explain what I saw then, I like to use the following story:
"There once was a water bearer who every day to earn a living carried water from the distant river into the town where he lived. To do so, he owned two ceramic pots, which he hung at both ends of a pole he balanced over his shoulders . While one of the pots was bright red, smooth and perfectly waterproof, the other was old, discolored and a bit cracked, in fact it dripped water on the way. Each day the pot became a little more porous, and dripped a little more, till came a time it was only able to retain half of its content by the time they'd reach the town. This caused the pot great shame, and so finally, unable to contain its embarrassment, the pot addressed the water bearer: "Master, please break me! throw me! dispose of me! I can't stand this misery any longer, I'm unable to hold water, and every day my imperfections cause you to work twice as hard, you can replace me and get a more efficient pot, this way you'll earn more working less...please put of out of this misery".
"Oh replied the water bearer, is that what you think of yourself? Then please, let me show you something on the way back from the river tomorrow."
And the next day, after filling both pots, and hanging one on the right and the cracked one on the left side of his pole as he always did, the water bearer pointed to the right side of the path and asked: "tell me, what you see", the pot replied "I see dirt, I see stones, and dust" hearing this the water bearer pointed to the left side of the road and asked: "what do you see on that side?" "Oh there I see grass, weeds and wild flowers" "Yes, replied the water bearer, this is the beauty you have created by dripping a bit of your water by the side of the path everyday, you quenched the thirst of the soil, you gave birth to the sleeping seeds, and nourished the blooms, and every week, from this side of the path, I pick a few flowers, bring them to my wife to let her know this beauty reminds me of the beauty she brings to my life...and that's why there is so much laughter in my house. Yes cracked pot, you may not be efficient, but by randomly sharing your water with the soil you feed this land we all live on".
Of course, when I moved to Turkey there were not water bearers, but to my European eyes, there were many "cracked pots", people were dripping time and money all the time, not trying to retain it, freely dripping away and feeding their environment and society. When one would get on the bus without a bus card there was always someone willing to punch their own cards refusing to take money in exchange for the service, time was spent for emergencies and illnesses, but also to celebrate, chat, know each other, weave connections, be there for each other, together. Street corners had plastic chairs where neighbors would come eat sunflower seeds and drink tea, and when someone needed blood donations for an operation I would witness within neighborhoods the workings of a well oiled support system which could organically orchestrate what hierarchal systems can only dream to achieve efficiently.
Coming from a culture that measured and split the hours, minutes and seconds always trying to squeeze in as much as possible, seeing if an extra yoga class could not be squeezed after work and before a meeting, the utter generosity with which people offered their time and resources was a pleasant if at times challenging cultural shock.
This culture of "cracked pots" where accounting was loose enough to allow random acts of generosity and scheduling was made to be dropped as soon as a need was expressed, was a school of behavior, which at times made me stretch my limits by presenting me with a mirror where I saw how conservative I'd been trained to be with the time and money I leaked out to society. I understood that the gift required flexibility, being willing to devote time to the activity of neighboring, which ran contrary to any time efficiency and reliability of commitment that I was used to.
Connections were key, but any connection worked, no matter how distant, one just needed to know about the connection, a man who owned a shop in the building where worked the son of another man who served tea at the university where my friend's mother taught once helped me, because we were "connected", I then understood that while in the west the idea that we are all connected by 6 degree of separation is just a quaint little concept, in the east, it was the principle on which the society functioned and exchanged gifts. Not a this-for-that exchange, but a constant offering knowing that each gift made the wide network stronger and more abundant.
Some roles were key, the tea man (çaycı) or the green grocer (bakal), for example, were catalysts of connections and neighboring, they'd know of everyone's needs, roles and gifts and could always put us in touch with just the neighbor we needed from the wider community, which in a crowded city meant knowing and orchestrating an insane amount of information and details about the life of everyone. When my cat needed an operation and after visiting a few clinics to realize that I could not afford what they asked for, it was my green grocer who got me in touch with a elderly man who lived a few streets away and worked part time as a janitor in a veterinarian clinic, and seeing how we were neighbors, his boss agreed to conduct the operation for the amount I could offer.
If I wrote all this in the past tense, it's because over the last decade I've seen the cracked pots whetherproof themselves. Reacting to modern calls for productivity, pushed by the capitalist economic boom and the busy-ness opportunities it offers, the cracked pots are being sealed in Turkey. Slowly and in subtle ways. Time and money, stopped dripping as freely as they used to, creating a parched land, not watered the way it used to be, wild flowers of hope have dried. The change was so slow that we did not notice it. Maybe one of the first thing I noticed was that people started accepting the money offered when they punched their bus cards for a stranger, and then it became more difficult to even find someone willing to punch their cards for you, creating a long embarrassed silence when someone asks.
Overall the changes created by the increased productivity on the traditional gift system were so subtle that if I listed the many small shifts that I noticed, they would all seem petty, isolated incidents.
But it added up to a change that could be felt by all, at least in the air of the big cities.
The more time was measured, split, managed and organized, they more it disappeared, the entire city of Istanbul started looking between the cushions of the couch to find some loose time that might have slipped there by accident. The more carefully it was allotted the more scarce time became. People could no longer find a minute to help their neighbors fix their sink, or to talk to the bakal or even to go to the bakal, they went to time efficient supermarkets where no one wasted their time telling them about some stranger's cat.
And then...Gezi happened!
We all went to parks, walked in the streets, drank tea breathed in some tear gas and debated together, everything else was put on hold.
When people ask me what Gezi was, I say that to me it was the neighbors of a big city who all gathered in a park, and broke their pots and poured the water contents on the trees.
For a few weeks, time came back to the city!
All the scheduled events were put on hold to create time, space and financial resources to feed, protect even recreate neighborhoods in the city.
Yoga classes were taken to the parks, meetings were made to discuss what was happening in the moment not what had been set on the agenda. The world kept turning, we found that when our neighborhood were being watered (here read showered!) with extra time, resources and love, we all had enough, in fact we had so much that we could jump off the hamster wheel and sit in a chair on the corner of the street with our neighbors.
We had enough to give, we emptied our closets of unused objects and shared them in parks, when we shopped for food we bought twice as much so as to feed the neighborhood and in the end of the month we found we'd received so much that we had spent less.
Beyond what it did to the allocation of time and resources, it created a shift in the air, once again we were walking in a sacred garden, and in each person we met on the street we saw a sacred gardener. Getting in and out of the subway people were more considerate, bumping into each other on the street would lead to smiles and heartfelt apologies, smiles spread from one face to another, we recognized each other in the faceless crowds we saw millions of neighbors, cracked pots watering the sacred community and making it greener with each "wasted" unaccounted drop.
14 Aralık 2013 Cumartesi
2 Aralık 2013 Pazartesi
Can stories help us create more awareness?
How would you walk if you were walking in the garden of Eden?
Would anyone ever leaving trash behind if they were in Eden?
Most cultures have stories of holy gardens, holy fields, magical spaces were one would naturally want to walk "as if kissing the earth with their feet" (to quote Thích Nhất Hạnh's beautiful words).
What if the myths were keys, and that if we believed them we could pour their reality into our daily reality, we could take this warm, energy-loaded, molten gold and infuse everything around us in it, till it became what we experience?
Stories and myths were told, chanted, woven into the core of people from childhood till death because our strong connection to the symbolic world creates a powerful inner guide for our daily life.
I was recently at a gathering where Charles Eisenstein mentioned how easy he found it to make the right decision when everyone was looking and how hard to was when no one was. This is our daily dilema...we know how we want to act, we know how we can contribute to, tend to, add to the beauty around us...but we need something (like knowing that we are seen) to help us apply it...
If I asked you what were three things you could do more beautifully today, or three things you could gift the world today to add to the beauty of the dance? What would these be?
I'm sure you know...in fact more than three...millions...
We are living on the earth, the enchanted garden, the body of Gaia...we walk on the belly of the goddess, how can we not kiss her with every step?
Are we leaving enough room in our daily life for filling ourselves up with awe for the world?
For how incredible this experience is?
Walking in Istanbul I see beautiful ottoman buildings with esthetic proportions, and intricate carved stone work, sided by more modern buildings sloppily put together, that feel crammed together and tied with a string...
And I think that maybe the difference between them is that the builders of the first building were building homes for families that would spend time on this beautiful garden we call earth, while the other buildings were sloppily put together by people who only focused on the end goal, getting a return on their invested money as fast as possible...no notion of the earth, the garden, the families, the laughter of the children growing between the walls...
On days I connect to the earth as a garden, if it's raining out (like it is at the moment in istanbul) I whisper: "drink sweet mother..." if it's sunny I take a blanket to the park, I need to lay on my mother, each moment is more significant, each action more intentional...I see us all dancing an eternal wild dance even these two men in the traffic angrily singing the testosterone song, they are the baritone of our divine choir, we are all in the garden together.
My mom accuses me of being a utopist...a beautiful criticism.
She says that economic realities are such that people can not afford to make beautiful homes...but then I ask her about these decorated works of art...mud homes from africa:
Would anyone ever leaving trash behind if they were in Eden?
Most cultures have stories of holy gardens, holy fields, magical spaces were one would naturally want to walk "as if kissing the earth with their feet" (to quote Thích Nhất Hạnh's beautiful words).
What if the myths were keys, and that if we believed them we could pour their reality into our daily reality, we could take this warm, energy-loaded, molten gold and infuse everything around us in it, till it became what we experience?
Stories and myths were told, chanted, woven into the core of people from childhood till death because our strong connection to the symbolic world creates a powerful inner guide for our daily life.
I was recently at a gathering where Charles Eisenstein mentioned how easy he found it to make the right decision when everyone was looking and how hard to was when no one was. This is our daily dilema...we know how we want to act, we know how we can contribute to, tend to, add to the beauty around us...but we need something (like knowing that we are seen) to help us apply it...
If I asked you what were three things you could do more beautifully today, or three things you could gift the world today to add to the beauty of the dance? What would these be?
I'm sure you know...in fact more than three...millions...
We are living on the earth, the enchanted garden, the body of Gaia...we walk on the belly of the goddess, how can we not kiss her with every step?
Are we leaving enough room in our daily life for filling ourselves up with awe for the world?
For how incredible this experience is?
Walking in Istanbul I see beautiful ottoman buildings with esthetic proportions, and intricate carved stone work, sided by more modern buildings sloppily put together, that feel crammed together and tied with a string...
And I think that maybe the difference between them is that the builders of the first building were building homes for families that would spend time on this beautiful garden we call earth, while the other buildings were sloppily put together by people who only focused on the end goal, getting a return on their invested money as fast as possible...no notion of the earth, the garden, the families, the laughter of the children growing between the walls...
On days I connect to the earth as a garden, if it's raining out (like it is at the moment in istanbul) I whisper: "drink sweet mother..." if it's sunny I take a blanket to the park, I need to lay on my mother, each moment is more significant, each action more intentional...I see us all dancing an eternal wild dance even these two men in the traffic angrily singing the testosterone song, they are the baritone of our divine choir, we are all in the garden together.
My mom accuses me of being a utopist...a beautiful criticism.
She says that economic realities are such that people can not afford to make beautiful homes...but then I ask her about these decorated works of art...mud homes from africa:
Is it possible that we hide behind economic realities, and use it as an excuse to not beautify our garden? Can't we with a little time, and no economic investment, create more beauty or tend to the beauty in the world? Yes for sure we can. It's a practice, it's like these indian women taking the time in the early morning to draw beautiful patterns on their threshold...or in the streets, temporary art, a simple offer to contribute to the beauty of our garden.
No, I believe that what we need to beautify the garden is not more money...it's more awareness...feeling that all we do, we do on the body of a goddess...that we are blessed to live in the enchanted garden...
And so, as you walk the earth today...what beauty do you want to tend to, what seed to you want to plant?
20 Kasım 2013 Çarşamba
Mythos vs. Logos, how to see the world through story...
"There is a big difference in whether or not one has a child grow up with fairy tales. (...) If fairy tales have not been given, this shows itself in later years in weariness of life, in boredom. What is absorbed little by little by means of fairy tales emerges subsequently as joy in life, in the meaning of life -it comes to light in the ability to cope with life, even into old age. Whoever is not capable of living with ideas that have no reality for the physical plane "dies" for the spiritual world." Rudolf Steiner.
I love this quote by Steiner, especially when he speaks about our need to be able to live with ideas that have "no reality for the physical plane"...
As a society, we put logic above all and we tend to think of the symbolic and the absurd as unnecessary.
As a society, we put logic above all and we tend to think of the symbolic and the absurd as unnecessary.
Of course, we love to escape with fantasy novels and films or giggle at the nonsensical rhyme in a children's book, we tolerate them in our world only because they make us laugh or help us relax.
But we still think of it as junk food for the mind, it keeps the mind busy, but the effects are considered non-existent.
The greeks recognized two ways of explaining the world: Mythos and Logos: stories and logic.
However, we have cut down one of the branches of this tree, not that we don't explain the world through stories anymore, but we don't value the mythos side of our understanding. Words like "it's all a myth..." show that we distrust information that has not been processed by the recognized and approved filters, namely: logic, explanations using observable facts, controlled experiments, and deductive proofs.
Oh, but of course it's all a lie! Studies after studies have shown that we are not really the rational 'logos' thinkers that we train ourselves to be, our brains are wired for stories and we base some of the most important decisions of our lives on it. The problem is that having been trained to avoid mythos-based decisions we blame ourselves for it. We lose valuable time resisting it, double guessing even triple guessing ourselves, when we could just trust that valid and beautiful decisions are made by listening to the flow of the deep river of story within us.
There is one crucial decision we take once (or several times) in our life which we usually don't rely on logic for: our life partner.
After all, was there ever a logical way to fall in love?
When we think of love -maybe because it's one of the rare topics on which we don't expect to make a rational decision- we can easily realize the huge influence of stories on our way of perceiving the world.
Myth as a way of perceiving the world is behind all the decisions we make even those considered to be the realm of rational thinking like: investment, career moves or mortuary arrangements where we usually don't admit to using anything but the purest form of our all powerful logical mind, uncut, undiluted...yeah, sure, right!
We all live in the story, in one huge tapestry of story woven from a thousand threads gathered all around us. And it's a blessing, because these stories help us connect with our senses, trust that there is something magical in this world and like good ol' Steiner puts it emerge as joy in life.
So... what about boldly reclaiming mythos as a way of perceiving the world on equal ground with logos? What about justifying walking through new doors, or courageously slamming old ones, not by saying that it was the logical thing to do, but that it was in tune with our story. How about listening to the mermaids' call, letting ourselves be trapped on the island of desire always knowing that our ship is waiting and that the story will bring us to Ithaca?
We are as much the children of Homer as we are those of Plato, so what about honoring the lessons received from both branches of the tree and letting the winds of the mediterranean take our ship on the adventure of a lifetime?
Open the window, and scream a new name for the princess before it's too late, tell the raging sky that "yes, I believe in stories!" before the winds of chaos and disenchantment have ravaged the beautiful symbolic kingdom where humans have found and left all keys ever since the dawn of humanity, ever since they started to gather around fires to sing kingdoms of sand, mist and magic into reality...
10 Ekim 2013 Perşembe
Is storytelling an invitation for us to live enchanted lives?
My friend Can (it's a Turkish name and it's read Jon) once told me that: "circumcision was like Santa Claus"
(Can loves to make this kind of bold statements, which is in turn why I love him).
His theory goes like this: both of them are the epitome of trickery on the parents' part and of disillusion for the children who then understand that they should never trust adults.
In Turkey he said, they dress you up like a king, they even give you a scepter put you on a horse and beat the drums, it's your very special day, you are on top of the world, you think your family, the world...hell the universe loves you!!
And then...they cut your penis...and you wake up in pain and for days the thought of sitting down scares you...and you realize that your family can... and will... tell you tales.
And Can figures this can't be far from the disappointment that kids in the west must feel when they realize they've been leaving all these cookies and all these glasses of milk not for Santa Claus, but for their parents, who lied and connived in their back...
Minus the pain, the Santa Claus disillusion brings kids to the same conclusion, adults don't believe and they'll use a child's belief in an enchanted life to trick him. No wonder even adults rely to the cry of Peter Pan... who would WANT to grow up?
This is something I often run into with kids especially the 5-8 year old groups. They like stories, but they don't want to be tricked and their sense of what is really real and what is not is still shaky, so they rely on us adult to let them know what to believe...
They'll come like detectives after the show and interrogate me with serious eyebrows "Are these stories real?"...or they'll use reverse psychology: "I KNOW none of this is real!"...some, already tired of asking direct questions to receive tricky answers delivered with a grin of adult contempt, focus on the evidence, they inspect my props, a glass bottle which I claimed contained medicine to raise the dead turns out...empty! I obviously never owned the stuff...HA! Now THEY get to deliver the grin of contempt with the deadly sentence "I never even BELIEVED you had the stuff" My diamond big as your eye...a piece of glass...disappointment!
My niece once embarked on a quest to test the veracity of the Santa Claus situation which my sister insisted DID exist (for the sake of her little sister really) while quite a few of her first grade friends claimed it was just another fib.
She knew he left presents, but come to it everyone can bring presents. What people couldn't (wouldn't!) do is take something that did NOT belong to them. So...she wrote him a letter and left it by the tree, if he took it, it would prove his existence...but still, to make sure, the letter read:
"Dear Santa, I've been wondering, do you exist?"
Oh the length they will go to test the thin line between reality and enchantment.
Now my theory is this (yes, I just LOVE theories...):
Kids live enchanted lives, and their fear comes for the fact that as adults we feed the fire of their imagination...but we don't believe a shred of this is true!
It's not that they want to leave enchantment behind, it's that they want us to either believe or at least stop pretending and then judge them for their naïveté and crack jokes about it to our friends.
I believe in fairies, I believe in magic!
Oh don't get me wrong I'm about as blasé as they come when it comes to organized religion or overly new age stuff (notice the careful placement of the adverb "overly")
I won't turn tables.
I was raised super over the top skeptical (but by hippies, on a commune, it goes something like: "religion is the opium of the masses, we don't buy any of it, because we are rational people, but we worship bees and howl to the full moon")...anyhow...
I believe that thresholds are sacred places between worlds...I believe that you can step into a grove of singing trees and hear them do a barber shop quartet number...I believe in the miracle of the seed...and that bees are goddesses to the sticky pollen which holds on like crazy to their hairy mane in the wild hope of hitting a landing area smaller than the head of a needle...I believe that each second spent no worshipping the miracles of natures is wasted...and I believe with all my heart that if I ask for it often enough I will reincarnate as an albatross of the Bosphorus so I can dry my wings in the raising run...and wind surf like a kite.
When I tell stories I gather around myself all of this wildness, I wrap myself in a shall of enchantment. So that I can enter kids' enchanted lives without bringing the adult smell of disillusion. Because kids who question, they also love to believe in the stories. How do I know? I see their faces when they are in the stories!
What they don't like is the idea that it all came from the mouth of someone who believes s/he's tricking them.
And when told in this way, kids relax. I've told stories to a kid who entered the room issuing me the warning that he "hated stories because it was all made up and nope mam he would not buy a shred of my lies"...and I'm blessed to say that he left with magical star in his eyes...and I know that it was because we went to this other world together.
(Can loves to make this kind of bold statements, which is in turn why I love him).
His theory goes like this: both of them are the epitome of trickery on the parents' part and of disillusion for the children who then understand that they should never trust adults.
In Turkey he said, they dress you up like a king, they even give you a scepter put you on a horse and beat the drums, it's your very special day, you are on top of the world, you think your family, the world...hell the universe loves you!!
And then...they cut your penis...and you wake up in pain and for days the thought of sitting down scares you...and you realize that your family can... and will... tell you tales.
And Can figures this can't be far from the disappointment that kids in the west must feel when they realize they've been leaving all these cookies and all these glasses of milk not for Santa Claus, but for their parents, who lied and connived in their back...
Minus the pain, the Santa Claus disillusion brings kids to the same conclusion, adults don't believe and they'll use a child's belief in an enchanted life to trick him. No wonder even adults rely to the cry of Peter Pan... who would WANT to grow up?
This is something I often run into with kids especially the 5-8 year old groups. They like stories, but they don't want to be tricked and their sense of what is really real and what is not is still shaky, so they rely on us adult to let them know what to believe...
They'll come like detectives after the show and interrogate me with serious eyebrows "Are these stories real?"...or they'll use reverse psychology: "I KNOW none of this is real!"...some, already tired of asking direct questions to receive tricky answers delivered with a grin of adult contempt, focus on the evidence, they inspect my props, a glass bottle which I claimed contained medicine to raise the dead turns out...empty! I obviously never owned the stuff...HA! Now THEY get to deliver the grin of contempt with the deadly sentence "I never even BELIEVED you had the stuff" My diamond big as your eye...a piece of glass...disappointment!
My niece once embarked on a quest to test the veracity of the Santa Claus situation which my sister insisted DID exist (for the sake of her little sister really) while quite a few of her first grade friends claimed it was just another fib.
She knew he left presents, but come to it everyone can bring presents. What people couldn't (wouldn't!) do is take something that did NOT belong to them. So...she wrote him a letter and left it by the tree, if he took it, it would prove his existence...but still, to make sure, the letter read:
"Dear Santa, I've been wondering, do you exist?"
Oh the length they will go to test the thin line between reality and enchantment.
Now my theory is this (yes, I just LOVE theories...):
Kids live enchanted lives, and their fear comes for the fact that as adults we feed the fire of their imagination...but we don't believe a shred of this is true!
It's not that they want to leave enchantment behind, it's that they want us to either believe or at least stop pretending and then judge them for their naïveté and crack jokes about it to our friends.
I believe in fairies, I believe in magic!
Oh don't get me wrong I'm about as blasé as they come when it comes to organized religion or overly new age stuff (notice the careful placement of the adverb "overly")
I won't turn tables.
I was raised super over the top skeptical (but by hippies, on a commune, it goes something like: "religion is the opium of the masses, we don't buy any of it, because we are rational people, but we worship bees and howl to the full moon")...anyhow...
I believe that thresholds are sacred places between worlds...I believe that you can step into a grove of singing trees and hear them do a barber shop quartet number...I believe in the miracle of the seed...and that bees are goddesses to the sticky pollen which holds on like crazy to their hairy mane in the wild hope of hitting a landing area smaller than the head of a needle...I believe that each second spent no worshipping the miracles of natures is wasted...and I believe with all my heart that if I ask for it often enough I will reincarnate as an albatross of the Bosphorus so I can dry my wings in the raising run...and wind surf like a kite.
When I tell stories I gather around myself all of this wildness, I wrap myself in a shall of enchantment. So that I can enter kids' enchanted lives without bringing the adult smell of disillusion. Because kids who question, they also love to believe in the stories. How do I know? I see their faces when they are in the stories!
What they don't like is the idea that it all came from the mouth of someone who believes s/he's tricking them.
I believe in the stories I tell them, I believe they are true. And that's what I tell them.
Oh, I don't lie about it. I don't believe in their factual truth but I believe that they carry the truth.
And when told in this way, kids relax. I've told stories to a kid who entered the room issuing me the warning that he "hated stories because it was all made up and nope mam he would not buy a shred of my lies"...and I'm blessed to say that he left with magical star in his eyes...and I know that it was because we went to this other world together.
And that's how telling stories to kids is good for us adults...
it's an invitation: the practice of living enchanted lives.
28 Eylül 2013 Cumartesi
The Meaning of life.... through stories
In his book "man's search for meaning " Viktor Frankl says that life is the question, the answer we give to it, is its meaning.
So the search for meaning depends not on our set of circumstances, but rather lies in the answer we provide to all that life throws at us.
A sort of "if life gives you lemons, make lemonade" except that having developed his philosophy in concentration camps, his focus wasn't necessarily on the bowl of cherries.
Now I hear some of you getting impatient, "enough of this" you demand to hear (read) how all this could possibly connect to stories...patience my friend...everything is possible after midnight in the blogosphere...
Here it goes:
Stories could be called (and I've just decided to do so...) the school for man's search for meaning.
There is a character, the hero and then a trigger,something happens, and it leads the hero to take action. In a way, the tale is the hero's response to the questions asked by life. The hero is never passive, all events in the story touch him, he never says:
"A dragon? Well, as long as he's not in my back yard..."
"The princess lives in a tower awaiting delivery? Hmm, I hope the authorities will deal with it!"
"Here is a guy drinking up the sea? Whatever floats his boat!"
In tales, the characters feel concerned by all the events, and they act, they answer the question posed by life, thus giving meaning to their story, their lives become quests.
Reading tales, bathing children in tales is a way to prepare them, and remind us that life is to be lived, not just observed, watched, reflected upon.
Life and everything in it is a question and your life gains its meaning when you answer it, your answer, your reaction, your choices and actions become your story.
So what's your answer to the latest curve ball life threw at you? Choose your attitude, be the s/hero of your own story....
15 Eylül 2013 Pazar
I remembered what it was like to be so small, and to be held so tight...
After telling stories, I'm used to adults coming up to tell me that it reminded them of their childhood, but when a ten year old came up to me a couple of days ago to say: "You reminded me of when I was a baby..." I was floored!
Wait a second...how did that happen??
In one of the stories I told, the gran-gran-gran-gran-gran-gran-gran mother, the oldest woman in the world, takes her latest, her smallest, her minuscule little one and wraps him in her shall, really close, really tight, just over her heart, and takes him to see the first sunrise in the world...
....and the little one I had here, in front of me, went on to explain that when I described this, she remembered what it was like to be really really small, and to be held really really tight...and that it made her cry...
Her mother hearing this, hugged her, and told me that she was born really premature, and that it was long time till anyone could hold her, and so when they finally were able to hold her, (and she was still really really small...) it was such a very special moment...
And this (still) very small little girl turned around and said: "that's what I remembered when I listened to the story, I remembered being so small and being held like this, very tight, just over the heart..."
Needless to say she hit me right in the heart, and also reminded me of the power of stories, of telling stories, and sharing magical, meaningful, healing images.
It fascinates me that in a story each listener will grab what s/he needs to live, to heal, to create meaning in his/her life. The same story may push such completely different buttons for different listeners. And all these meanings may also be very different from what the storyteller intended when s/he picked this story to tell.
And as storytellers we learn to release the control, to open our heart as wide as possible to let deeply felt images come out, and hope that the listeners will grab, what they need, and turn around and share it again and again...like that little girl, who shared with her mom her feeling of being held and protected, a memory of early childhood, and brought tears to her eyes...(and mine)
Wait a second...how did that happen??
In one of the stories I told, the gran-gran-gran-gran-gran-gran-gran mother, the oldest woman in the world, takes her latest, her smallest, her minuscule little one and wraps him in her shall, really close, really tight, just over her heart, and takes him to see the first sunrise in the world...
....and the little one I had here, in front of me, went on to explain that when I described this, she remembered what it was like to be really really small, and to be held really really tight...and that it made her cry...
Her mother hearing this, hugged her, and told me that she was born really premature, and that it was long time till anyone could hold her, and so when they finally were able to hold her, (and she was still really really small...) it was such a very special moment...
And this (still) very small little girl turned around and said: "that's what I remembered when I listened to the story, I remembered being so small and being held like this, very tight, just over the heart..."
Needless to say she hit me right in the heart, and also reminded me of the power of stories, of telling stories, and sharing magical, meaningful, healing images.
It fascinates me that in a story each listener will grab what s/he needs to live, to heal, to create meaning in his/her life. The same story may push such completely different buttons for different listeners. And all these meanings may also be very different from what the storyteller intended when s/he picked this story to tell.
And as storytellers we learn to release the control, to open our heart as wide as possible to let deeply felt images come out, and hope that the listeners will grab, what they need, and turn around and share it again and again...like that little girl, who shared with her mom her feeling of being held and protected, a memory of early childhood, and brought tears to her eyes...(and mine)
Stories can and will heal the world!
19 Mayıs 2013 Pazar
Are stories viruses?
This week I got sick, the whether was good, then bad then good, it's the perfect combination for me to get my usual, because I have one, it's a little routine, and it's all mine.
It goes like this: sinus infection for 2 days, then sore throat for two days again , then down to my lungs and I walk around Istanbul wheezing and coughing like a old engine.
And all around me I notice people who are getting the virus (not necessarily from me) but everyone has their own version, some people have to stay in bed, others get an upset stomach...it's the same virus, but it touches us in different ways.
And it makes me think about tales (yes, again!). Jack Zipes a specialist of tales has a theory that tales spread like viruses. One person at a time, they conquer, adapt and then spread to another person. The moment you take the tale and carry it in your heart and mind, you are affected. Then if you tell the story, you spread it.
Now some people think that it is very important to stick to the original version of a tale, not to change a thing, to be faithful carriers of the original text. Which is also a valid goal...
But what Zipes argues is that every time you take a story, and change it according to your tastes and sensibilities, you help the tale stay alive for another generation.
For example:
It goes like this: sinus infection for 2 days, then sore throat for two days again , then down to my lungs and I walk around Istanbul wheezing and coughing like a old engine.
And all around me I notice people who are getting the virus (not necessarily from me) but everyone has their own version, some people have to stay in bed, others get an upset stomach...it's the same virus, but it touches us in different ways.
And it makes me think about tales (yes, again!). Jack Zipes a specialist of tales has a theory that tales spread like viruses. One person at a time, they conquer, adapt and then spread to another person. The moment you take the tale and carry it in your heart and mind, you are affected. Then if you tell the story, you spread it.
Now some people think that it is very important to stick to the original version of a tale, not to change a thing, to be faithful carriers of the original text. Which is also a valid goal...
But what Zipes argues is that every time you take a story, and change it according to your tastes and sensibilities, you help the tale stay alive for another generation.
For example:
- you change the part of a story where the husband hits his wife to teach her a lesson because you find it would be wrong to transmit this message;
- or, you decide to give some wit to little Red because you just don't feel like carrying the message of the little girl passively waiting in the wolf's stomach for the big man to come rescue her.
Just like the viruses need to adapt to conquer more and stay alive, so the tales, transformed by active storytellers turn into new brews that will mesmerize new generations.
I'm not saying that everything needs to go, a storyteller carries the essence of an old magic, for example the oldest written tale, written on a papyrus 8th century B.C., "the tale of two brothers", is still being told today, and that's an important part of telling stories: carrying the torch.
But a storyteller's job is also to keep tales alive and relevant, to twist and turn the stories, to jazz it up, to mix in some politics, anecdotes of the day, details and images that will touch the listeners of today, so that with each telling the tales get the adaptation they need to be around for another two thousand years.
What is a tale that touched you? Tell it today, you don't need to remember it perfectly, you just need to let it out and contaminate others.
Tales are a magical viruses, they strengthen our immune system to fight against today's most deadly virus: meaninglessness.
So help it spread!
9 Mayıs 2013 Perşembe
5 reasons why parents should drop the book and just get wild! (you knowyou want to...)
Nope, it's just not the same thing, in my (rarely) humble opinion, there's a huge difference between telling a story, and playing the CD of someone telling a story, or plunking our child in front of a DVD, even if that CD is from a super creative parents' choice award winning storyteller, even if that DVD is an artistic Iranian cartoon of a wonderfully multicultural tale. Now, I'm not saying these activities are worthless, but even though we'd love to think that they are just as good as a parent closing the book and creatively telling a story...it's NOT.
Here are a few reasons why parents should tell stories to their children themselves:
In short the storyteller plays with the story.
What a creative act!
And what better present can a parent possibly give to his/her children than to display his/her creativity?
We often complain that school kills creativity. In fact there are even tests that show it does. A study has shown that elementary school students perform much higher on standardized creativity tests than high school students, and when faced with such results we are quick to point our finger to the classroom and say:
And I'll have to agree that schools with their standardized tests may have something to do with it....
But another factor may be that many children when they look around have a hard time finding adult role models who are creative and playful. This, in turn, gives them the message that creative playfulness is the stuff of childhood, a fuzzy warm layer they are supposed to shed if they ever want to be taken seriously.
So? If we want our children to believe that adults can, need to and are creative, let's tell them stories, and let's go wild with our evening storytelling sessions, because then our children will know that creativity is a real world value.
And it is! More than ever creativity is a quality which is required of adults in every aspects our their lives, and it will be even more the case for our children.
When we drop the book and start telling from our heart, there are many transformations that happen in the language we use.
The words:
"The young princess had blond hair that came down to her waist"
become:
"Do you see the gold on the lamp there? That's the exact color of the princess' hair, just like gold, and guess how long her hair was? Down to there? Oh no! Much longer than that! Look it went down to...there"
Now I know this "oral" version doesn't really translate well on this written blog, but what I mean to say is that it involves lots of pointing on the body, and looking at our environment to create comparisons with visual objects. Which means that the story is not just told on the conceptual level, it includes a lot more kinesthetic and visual references.
Why is this important? New studies about language show that when you create metaphors and comparaisons language affects you on a deeper level because it involves different areas of your brain. The more senses you include in the game, the deeper the effect of the story. Therefore children will remember and learn more from the story.
In the story we tell, we can change the name of the characters, the wise old guide is no longer named Olaf but Mr. Benson, yes that teacher he loves so much. And what the second daughter asks for may not be a golden necklace anymore, maybe it becomes the bike that your child has been asking for.
Then the bridge between the magical symbolic world of stories and your child's life is easier to climb.
The stories give new meaning to his or her life. It also allows the child to replace his or her life's experience within a different context, to see that his teacher is not unlike the wise old bearded magician. Through this metaphor you invite your child to look at his own world through different glasses.
Every story is designed for the listener to put himself in the hero's shoes, and children love being the heroes of the stories they listen to.
But it is something special to have one's parent actually rename the hero for us, thus actually acknowledging that we are the hero of this, and our own stories.
It's as if the world was trying to get to their brains through their eyes (OK, I know it's a little disgusting as far as metaphors go, but I'll stand by it, yes I will!) our culture is overly visual, it takes our children's imagination and keeps them hostage.
Stories are a wonderful occasion to tip the balance the other way.
When we tell stories, we offer sounds and words, then, in exchange, we ask them to create all the visuals in their heads.
Listeners are the directors in this film, in their heads they cast the princess and shoot the scenes. It's so important for children to be given spaces without imposed visual cues.
The other day I found this old volume, tattered pages...
Reading the stories sent me with a flash on an amazing time travel!
These were the stories that my dad used to tell us.
I have no idea where he found this book, nor why he chose them, the stories were pretty religious, each of them start and end with a religious precept like:
"thus one should never forget, as it is written, that all believers should give to the poor at least a quarter of their earnings, and woe to the characters of this story who had to learn it the hard way"
(it's not a literal translation, but I swear it's not far...)
I remembered each and everyone of the stories so well. But I had never heard them with the sanctimonious tone that the written version had....
And that's because it's not who my dad is, and that's not how he told them.
He told them his way, with his heart, and that's how I remember them. The evenings we spent with my sisters listening to storie are more precious to me than anything else, and today we still tell each other stories as a family, stories of life, things we read or hear, and tales, many tales.
Something that could never have been created with an evening spent in front of the TV.
Here are a few reasons why parents should tell stories to their children themselves:
1. To be a creative role model
Telling a story is different from reading one.
The storyteller is free to use:- body language
- voices
- facial expressions.
- objects from the room
In short the storyteller plays with the story.
What a creative act!
And what better present can a parent possibly give to his/her children than to display his/her creativity?
We often complain that school kills creativity. In fact there are even tests that show it does. A study has shown that elementary school students perform much higher on standardized creativity tests than high school students, and when faced with such results we are quick to point our finger to the classroom and say:
"YOU YOU did this to MY child!"
But another factor may be that many children when they look around have a hard time finding adult role models who are creative and playful. This, in turn, gives them the message that creative playfulness is the stuff of childhood, a fuzzy warm layer they are supposed to shed if they ever want to be taken seriously.
So? If we want our children to believe that adults can, need to and are creative, let's tell them stories, and let's go wild with our evening storytelling sessions, because then our children will know that creativity is a real world value.
And it is! More than ever creativity is a quality which is required of adults in every aspects our their lives, and it will be even more the case for our children.
2. To fill the story with teaching metaphors and healing images
Storytelling language is not the same as written language.
When we drop the book and start telling from our heart, there are many transformations that happen in the language we use.
The words:
"The young princess had blond hair that came down to her waist"
become:
"Do you see the gold on the lamp there? That's the exact color of the princess' hair, just like gold, and guess how long her hair was? Down to there? Oh no! Much longer than that! Look it went down to...there"
Now I know this "oral" version doesn't really translate well on this written blog, but what I mean to say is that it involves lots of pointing on the body, and looking at our environment to create comparisons with visual objects. Which means that the story is not just told on the conceptual level, it includes a lot more kinesthetic and visual references.
Why is this important? New studies about language show that when you create metaphors and comparaisons language affects you on a deeper level because it involves different areas of your brain. The more senses you include in the game, the deeper the effect of the story. Therefore children will remember and learn more from the story.
3. To turn our children into heroes
Custom made is always better, so let's get personal!
In the story we tell, we can change the name of the characters, the wise old guide is no longer named Olaf but Mr. Benson, yes that teacher he loves so much. And what the second daughter asks for may not be a golden necklace anymore, maybe it becomes the bike that your child has been asking for.
Then the bridge between the magical symbolic world of stories and your child's life is easier to climb.
The stories give new meaning to his or her life. It also allows the child to replace his or her life's experience within a different context, to see that his teacher is not unlike the wise old bearded magician. Through this metaphor you invite your child to look at his own world through different glasses.
Every story is designed for the listener to put himself in the hero's shoes, and children love being the heroes of the stories they listen to.
But it is something special to have one's parent actually rename the hero for us, thus actually acknowledging that we are the hero of this, and our own stories.
4. Stop the visual imprisonment, free their minds.
In today's world children's eyes are full.
It's as if the world was trying to get to their brains through their eyes (OK, I know it's a little disgusting as far as metaphors go, but I'll stand by it, yes I will!) our culture is overly visual, it takes our children's imagination and keeps them hostage.
Stories are a wonderful occasion to tip the balance the other way.
When we tell stories, we offer sounds and words, then, in exchange, we ask them to create all the visuals in their heads.
Storytelling is an interactive act of group creation.
So let's free their imagination.
5. Have a family ritual.
Thank you daddy!
The other day I found this old volume, tattered pages...
Reading the stories sent me with a flash on an amazing time travel!
These were the stories that my dad used to tell us.
I have no idea where he found this book, nor why he chose them, the stories were pretty religious, each of them start and end with a religious precept like:
"thus one should never forget, as it is written, that all believers should give to the poor at least a quarter of their earnings, and woe to the characters of this story who had to learn it the hard way"
(it's not a literal translation, but I swear it's not far...)
I remembered each and everyone of the stories so well. But I had never heard them with the sanctimonious tone that the written version had....
And that's because it's not who my dad is, and that's not how he told them.
He told them his way, with his heart, and that's how I remember them. The evenings we spent with my sisters listening to storie are more precious to me than anything else, and today we still tell each other stories as a family, stories of life, things we read or hear, and tales, many tales.
We are connected in this practice of active imagination called storytelling.
29 Nisan 2013 Pazartesi
Who's afraid of stories?
She chose to tell a tale about three sisters, and, as it often happens in stories (...and in life), two of the sisters are downright mean to the third.
In fact, jealous, they steal her doll and throw her down a well, now THAT doesn't happen so often in real life, BUT I have two sisters and I can tell you I've been thrown down a good many symbolic wells, sisterhood, brotherhood is a wonderful thing but it's not always a walk in the park to grow up with siblings, I'd like to meet the person who has never in his or her childhood wished one of his/her siblings would disappear down a well.
Now at the end of the tale, all is well that ends well, the girl is in her daddy's arms, the evil perpetrated by her sisters revealed:
"what shall we do to your sisters?" the father asks.
And the main character of my Gazi university student says:
"daddy, you own two other houses on your estate, give one to each of my sisters that they may go away and leave us here to be in peace."
And all lived happily ever after....
"What? wait a minute!!! Rewind! You mean the girls push their sister down a well, tell their father that she's been eaten by a pack of wolves and hope she'll starve... and their punishment is that they each get a house??!"
"Well my student mumbles I couldn't possibly end it the way it did in the version I read..."
In the version she read the ending was the traditional Anatolian punishment for evil doing in fairy tales, namely the perpetrators are asked: "40 katır mı, 40 satır mı?" Which means they are asked to choose between forty mules and forty lines, usually the characters (thinking that they are offered a gift...and thus revealing their utter lack of remorse) choose the forty mules, they are then attached to these mules which are sent running in forty different directions.
But my student thought it was too mean, that we shouldn't do this, should't even think it, so... she changed it!
OK, I always tell my students that they are responsible for their own voice, if a story carries a racist, male-chauvinist or violent ideal, for example, you should be aware of it and then decide:
a) if you want to tell the story, and
b) if so, how?
But it doesn't mean we should take a knife to the story in draw all the blood out of it:
Stories are symbolic medicine, they heal the soul, they help us deal with the fears, the darkness, the evil in us. Not everything is light and breathy inside, and stories address the realities that we can't face directlly and they do it with symbolic narratives.
That's why nearly every single psychological theory out there bases itself on a myth or a tale. It's not any old story that makes it to the holy status of myth or tale, if these stories have been carried by humanity across cultural barriers and across time it's because they hold precious magic.
The truth is there is a part of us who wants to push our siblings down a well, parents sometimes want to get rid of their beloved children, sometimes we want something that is not our destiny so bad that we are willing to cut our (symbolic) big toe to fit the pretty slipper.
And the stories help us through imagination to feel and air out our dark places.
Is it scary though? You bet! Is it necessary? More than ever!
The truth is that often the part that makes us shudder in a story is the very part that heals us.
You may have noticed that my well meaning student, sooo worried about the effect of a violent narrative on her audience, did not find it necessary to edit out the part where the sisters throw the youngest sweetest of them down the well, she did not edit out that they mercilessly told their father that she had been eaten by wolves, she did not edit out that they hoped she would starve, and ALL this they did because they wanted her doll!!
Nope, my student had no problem with the utter victimization of a character in the name of jealousy, this is a reality of life that we are accustomed to: we are jealous of others, and as long as we don't go overboard we don't mind admitting it:
Now the part she did edit was another violent feeling we've all experienced and one that we don't so willingly admit feeling: REVENGE
No one HERE has ever taken or even felt the desire to take revenge on anyone, no sir, that's not a feeling on our register, people hurt us, they throw us down wells, and leave us to starve...
What do WE do? Why we give them houses of course!
We say:
We say:
We say:
We feel so guilty about our desire for revenge, that we even edit it out of stories, but the truth is that stories are one place where we can safely imagine and take these revenges and free ourselves of the load we carry.
So?
What is the taste of your revenge? What is its smell? Where in your body do you feel it, where is its tightness? Where is its release?
Only when you familiarize yourself with your demons, your fears, your feelings, can you hope to free yourself from the power they hold over you. And stories help us do just that.
I can already hear some people say:
Children have a deep symbolic life too, they know how to play games of make believe, how to use their imagination to act out the feelings they can't express otherwise.
Children need stories that speak to the whole range of their emotions.
Who can say that children know no jealousy, hold no feelings of revenge, never have a violent reaction?
Pretending these things do not exist, banning them from stories we tell children is not going to make the feelings go away from the children's minds, it's only going to create a taboo where there once was a wonderful opportunity to openly communicate, share and express feelings.
It's telling the child:
"How evil you are to seek revenge on those who hurt you! See this nice little girl? She gave her sisters houses to thank them for their evil deeds, remember...next time your brother hits you on the head and runs away with your doll, give him your desert! Or YOU'll be the evil one!"
Like THAT's not going to traumatize them at all!!
Now (I know this post is getting really long) let me tell you what REALLY got my knickers in a twist!
Just about a week after this class at Gazi university, my students were invited to tell stories at a mall.
I won't even begin to list out all the things that were wrong with this venue, but storytelling is practically inexistent in Turkey and they are taking every opportunity they can to recreate this tradition.
One of my students told a story in which, at some point, (brace yourself, it's coming...) a hunter killed a bear!
No sooner had he finished his story that a raging woman came screaming at him, an elementary school teacher of 30 years she'd NEVER seen someone as RUTHLESS as my student....how dare he mention death in front of children!!!
Apparently, (this very knowledgable authority informed him) death is a topic which should only be mentioned by psychologists!
Storytellers should stick to? Living things, with no revenge, no violence, no jealousy?
Now I'm trying to understand how these people think children will react when their turtle, their dog or God forbid...their grand-pa will die? (Or maybe these will also stop dying once we've stopped talking about it?)
Should this really be the first time they ever encounter death? Wouldn't death happening in stories have been a good heads-up to inform them that life is not endless? A good opportunity to start a healthy conversation?
In today's wired and televised age, how long till they find out about death in much more gruesome terms from the TV?
It's very different to mention something and let them create their own mental pictures, from actually showing a film, invading their brains with images they would have never created themselves, which can be very traumatizing.
Storytellers mention things but they do not present actual pictures so what the child understands or sees is only proportional to what he is ready and able to imagine.
So, all the gruesome, blood-spurting images that come to OUR minds when we imagine a woman being dragged by mules, kids don't have that. We have these images because we copy-paste them from war films we've watched but normally kids have not and should not have seen these.
I don't believe that we can ever hope to raise children in a vacuum, nor should we wish to, imagine the shock when they'd actually have to enter reality? It would be like going through another birth canal:
"So remember sweetie, how we said that everyone lives forever, that no one goes hungry, that no one cheats, no one steals, no one experiences anger, violence and hatred? Well that was no exactly true... Now WELCOME TO THE WORLD! Read all the fine print, good luck adapting, here is the number of a good psychologist, he'll go over all the details with you."
Instead? Let's tell good stories to our kids, stories that touch us, let's be scared together, hide under the blankets if necessary, until the evil witch is caught, until the dragon is slain, until we have acknowledged and faced our fears and they no longer have a death grip on our hearts.
In fact, jealous, they steal her doll and throw her down a well, now THAT doesn't happen so often in real life, BUT I have two sisters and I can tell you I've been thrown down a good many symbolic wells, sisterhood, brotherhood is a wonderful thing but it's not always a walk in the park to grow up with siblings, I'd like to meet the person who has never in his or her childhood wished one of his/her siblings would disappear down a well.
Now at the end of the tale, all is well that ends well, the girl is in her daddy's arms, the evil perpetrated by her sisters revealed:
"what shall we do to your sisters?" the father asks.
And the main character of my Gazi university student says:
"daddy, you own two other houses on your estate, give one to each of my sisters that they may go away and leave us here to be in peace."
And all lived happily ever after....
"What? wait a minute!!! Rewind! You mean the girls push their sister down a well, tell their father that she's been eaten by a pack of wolves and hope she'll starve... and their punishment is that they each get a house??!"
"Well my student mumbles I couldn't possibly end it the way it did in the version I read..."
In the version she read the ending was the traditional Anatolian punishment for evil doing in fairy tales, namely the perpetrators are asked: "40 katır mı, 40 satır mı?" Which means they are asked to choose between forty mules and forty lines, usually the characters (thinking that they are offered a gift...and thus revealing their utter lack of remorse) choose the forty mules, they are then attached to these mules which are sent running in forty different directions.
Now, THAT'S A PUNISHMENT!
(You'll have to admit it's a little more severe than to receive your own house!)
But my student thought it was too mean, that we shouldn't do this, should't even think it, so... she changed it!
OK, I always tell my students that they are responsible for their own voice, if a story carries a racist, male-chauvinist or violent ideal, for example, you should be aware of it and then decide:
a) if you want to tell the story, and
b) if so, how?
Storytelling is a very powerful tool, it creates a reality, so we should be careful with the messages we transmit.
But it doesn't mean we should take a knife to the story in draw all the blood out of it:
- brrr gone the scary wolf who eats the grandmother,
- gone the woman who suggests her husband should eat his children or loose them in the forest
- gone Cinderella's sister cutting her big toe to try to fit her foot in the pretty slipper.
What are we left with?
SOUP!
These emasculated stories are soooo boring they could make you cry!
Stories are symbolic medicine, they heal the soul, they help us deal with the fears, the darkness, the evil in us. Not everything is light and breathy inside, and stories address the realities that we can't face directlly and they do it with symbolic narratives.
That's why nearly every single psychological theory out there bases itself on a myth or a tale. It's not any old story that makes it to the holy status of myth or tale, if these stories have been carried by humanity across cultural barriers and across time it's because they hold precious magic.
The truth is there is a part of us who wants to push our siblings down a well, parents sometimes want to get rid of their beloved children, sometimes we want something that is not our destiny so bad that we are willing to cut our (symbolic) big toe to fit the pretty slipper.
And the stories help us through imagination to feel and air out our dark places.
We are the sister who cuts her toe, and we are Cinderella.
Through the story, we remember that we should not cut part of ourselves to fit other people's expectations, that it is madness to do so, that it will lead us to symbolic death, but we also remember that we must not silently suffer and let others impose limits to what we can be, we should not let others lock us up away from our destiny.Is it scary though? You bet! Is it necessary? More than ever!
The truth is that often the part that makes us shudder in a story is the very part that heals us.
You may have noticed that my well meaning student, sooo worried about the effect of a violent narrative on her audience, did not find it necessary to edit out the part where the sisters throw the youngest sweetest of them down the well, she did not edit out that they mercilessly told their father that she had been eaten by wolves, she did not edit out that they hoped she would starve, and ALL this they did because they wanted her doll!!
Nope, my student had no problem with the utter victimization of a character in the name of jealousy, this is a reality of life that we are accustomed to: we are jealous of others, and as long as we don't go overboard we don't mind admitting it:
- "look at that girl's hat, how cool, I've been looking for something just like that!"
- "I can't believe people are buying Dan Brown's terribly written books by the millions while I can't even find an editor for my manuscript, readers have no taste for real literature these days..."
- "This girl who hardly ever reads an article got an A on HER paper, while I got a C? I bet the instructor doesn't actually READ the papers he just looks at the length of the student's skirts"...
Now the part she did edit was another violent feeling we've all experienced and one that we don't so willingly admit feeling: REVENGE
No one HERE has ever taken or even felt the desire to take revenge on anyone, no sir, that's not a feeling on our register, people hurt us, they throw us down wells, and leave us to starve...
What do WE do? Why we give them houses of course!
We say:
- "no problem, don't feel bad about it, with the current economy, I'll get a new job in days, go ahead and hire your incompetent sister in my place, I've been here 20 years, it's high time I discovered what's out there!"
We say:
- "Of course I don't mind, go ahead take that parking space right from under my wheels"
We say:
- "Daarling, you couldn't possibly have known this was my husband you were sleeping with!"
We feel so guilty about our desire for revenge, that we even edit it out of stories, but the truth is that stories are one place where we can safely imagine and take these revenges and free ourselves of the load we carry.
So?
- Kill the sisters!
- Put the step-mother in the barrel with the forty snakes and let the barrel roll down the hill!
What is the taste of your revenge? What is its smell? Where in your body do you feel it, where is its tightness? Where is its release?
Only when you familiarize yourself with your demons, your fears, your feelings, can you hope to free yourself from the power they hold over you. And stories help us do just that.
I can already hear some people say:
"But but but...the children, what about the poor innocent little children?"
Children have a deep symbolic life too, they know how to play games of make believe, how to use their imagination to act out the feelings they can't express otherwise.
Children need stories that speak to the whole range of their emotions.
Who can say that children know no jealousy, hold no feelings of revenge, never have a violent reaction?
Pretending these things do not exist, banning them from stories we tell children is not going to make the feelings go away from the children's minds, it's only going to create a taboo where there once was a wonderful opportunity to openly communicate, share and express feelings.
It's telling the child:
"How evil you are to seek revenge on those who hurt you! See this nice little girl? She gave her sisters houses to thank them for their evil deeds, remember...next time your brother hits you on the head and runs away with your doll, give him your desert! Or YOU'll be the evil one!"
Like THAT's not going to traumatize them at all!!
Now (I know this post is getting really long) let me tell you what REALLY got my knickers in a twist!
Just about a week after this class at Gazi university, my students were invited to tell stories at a mall.
I won't even begin to list out all the things that were wrong with this venue, but storytelling is practically inexistent in Turkey and they are taking every opportunity they can to recreate this tradition.
One of my students told a story in which, at some point, (brace yourself, it's coming...) a hunter killed a bear!
No sooner had he finished his story that a raging woman came screaming at him, an elementary school teacher of 30 years she'd NEVER seen someone as RUTHLESS as my student....how dare he mention death in front of children!!!
Apparently, (this very knowledgable authority informed him) death is a topic which should only be mentioned by psychologists!
Storytellers should stick to? Living things, with no revenge, no violence, no jealousy?
Now I'm trying to understand how these people think children will react when their turtle, their dog or God forbid...their grand-pa will die? (Or maybe these will also stop dying once we've stopped talking about it?)
Should this really be the first time they ever encounter death? Wouldn't death happening in stories have been a good heads-up to inform them that life is not endless? A good opportunity to start a healthy conversation?
In today's wired and televised age, how long till they find out about death in much more gruesome terms from the TV?
It's very different to mention something and let them create their own mental pictures, from actually showing a film, invading their brains with images they would have never created themselves, which can be very traumatizing.
Storytellers mention things but they do not present actual pictures so what the child understands or sees is only proportional to what he is ready and able to imagine.
So, all the gruesome, blood-spurting images that come to OUR minds when we imagine a woman being dragged by mules, kids don't have that. We have these images because we copy-paste them from war films we've watched but normally kids have not and should not have seen these.
I don't believe that we can ever hope to raise children in a vacuum, nor should we wish to, imagine the shock when they'd actually have to enter reality? It would be like going through another birth canal:
"So remember sweetie, how we said that everyone lives forever, that no one goes hungry, that no one cheats, no one steals, no one experiences anger, violence and hatred? Well that was no exactly true... Now WELCOME TO THE WORLD! Read all the fine print, good luck adapting, here is the number of a good psychologist, he'll go over all the details with you."
Instead? Let's tell good stories to our kids, stories that touch us, let's be scared together, hide under the blankets if necessary, until the evil witch is caught, until the dragon is slain, until we have acknowledged and faced our fears and they no longer have a death grip on our hearts.
19 Nisan 2013 Cuma
Storytelling is not about strutting your ego on stage, it's about baring your soul.
She's sitting alone, at her table, hunched over a glass of sparkling water, the most boring drink you can order at this colorful Parisian cafe, where chalked signs advertise Hydromel, the honeyed liquor of Greek gods, little known drinks from French regions.... I settle on something I can't pronounce, and hope it's turns out to be something I can drink.
She looks so out of place, in the cramped cafe where shrieks of joys keep erupting and loud kisses pop on cheeks every time another storyteller comes in, she waits patiently, she sometimes nods at someone, quietly.
Then the stage, which is set up in the old 'cave' of the cafe (the basements of Parisian building tend to be gorgeous wine cellars) opens, and she is the first downstairs, she sets her glass of sparkling water on the table right in front of the stage, and waits. It's open mic stage for storytellers at 'le cafe des trois arts".
Three of four storytellers come up before she finally steps on stage, she turns around to face us, and at first I can't recognize the grayish old lady anymore. I can't quite pin it, same gray bobbed hair, same hunched shoulders and marine sweater, it must be the mischievous grin, she smiles like a child who knows something really funny and can't belieeeeeve we have not heard it yet!
She starts, in the most humble way, to tell us a short story collected in a village in the 19th century by a priest. It's a simple joke about a man who falls in the stairs and breaks his leg, the doctor prescribes a plaster to be applied "where your husband's hurt his leg" but the leg won't heal...so, the doctor is called back, and he asks why the wife did not apply the plaster, "oh but I did just like you said, I applied it in the stairs...seeing how that's where my husband done broke his leg".
That's it, simple short, like my mom would say, it wouldn't be worth breaking three legs off a duck (idiom for: it's not mind blowingly great).
But the thing is this: we were all riveted, and when she delivers the last line, everyone is cracking up. Now I know you're going to say: "it's open mic night, people are generous with their laughter both because they hope people will also laugh when they themselves are on stage, and because they've had one too many glasses of Hydromel the honeyed liquor of Gods."
But it's something else.
She doesn't gesticulate on stage, occupy the stage, hypnotize us with magnetic eye contact, or even add poetic or brilliant images to the story. Nope. I'm pretty sure her version is 99% what it was in the book she read it in, and I bet she neither rehearsed it with rehearsing buddy, nor questioned the symbolic of tale, nor even wondered why she liked this story, and picked it, and wanted to tell it. It seems she uses none of the tricks of the trained storyteller, but a wonderful storyteller she is, there is no doubt about it.
After the open mic, while the featured storyteller is warming up for the second part of the evening, we're back in the cafe, this time all at the same table, and I'm the one having the boring sparkling water because telling my story left me thirsty and let's face it, you can only drink so many glasses, of apple cognac, no matter how local it is.
French storytellers are drilling me on Turkish stories, but I want to find out more about my mischievous lady, I've seen her real face on stage, I know it, she can put the mask back on all she wants, I know the sparkle in her eye, and the light that burns bright inside, the woman is a riot, pretending to be invisible.
Big cities will do this, some people let themselves fade away.
I ask, she spills.
The story comes right out:
She never thought she would ever step on a stage and tell stories in front of an audience, but she was magically attracted by a storytelling workshop some 4 years ago. She thought she'd just watch once, decide it wasn't her, and walk back to her one bedroom flat and her cat. You see she was not what you'd call performer material, No mam, not the type!
But she liked it, decided to stay, she's been doing it for years now, her first open stage? She never even got on stage, she was waaay too scared! But the next she did, and she has been at it ever since. My mom told me that she has seen her all over, she's always there, anytime there's an open mic, she comes with hunched shoulders, quietly sips her mineral water, steps on stage and cracks everybody up. "I'm not really sure why, but ever since the beginning I've always told these village jokes, they're almost a specialty of mine, it's strange....(she seems thoughtful, but really she is checking me out from the corner of her eye)...it's strange considering I'm not really what you'd call a funny person!" She can tell I'm not buying it and she cracks the weirdest smile, it looks like she's biting her lower lip, while lifting her upper lip to reveal a row of straight teeth, but the mischievous childish glint in her eye is back, I know her, and she knows I do, she's a funny woman, who only gets to show it once in a while, with the power of storytelling.
The thing is this...how come a shy woman can climb on stage, and tell a memorable story that will remain in people's minds for years, even though she has none of the stage tricks of professional performers?
Because storytelling is not theater, it's not a stage art, (even though it often happens on stage), it is not about strutting your ego on stage, it's about baring your soul. Showing your authentic self.
And what's more you shouldn't do it for all to see, but in the service of a story that touched the aforementioned soul. The story chooses you. It says: "tell me, with all you've got, use your inner self as the plate to serve me on, but remember, when the food is good, no one notices the plate".
And this funny woman, she reads stories that crack her up, at home with her cat on her lap, and the glint in her eye comes, and I imagine she thinks: "now this, I absolutely HAVE to tell someone!" And what she shares when she shares the story with a group of strangers in a Parisian cellar, is a part of herself that most people never get to see.
Why do we have to show our authentic selves when we tell?
To me this is what storytelling is about, it's about, through stories, connecting soul to soul, as humans, and recognizing we are all connected and one, through the large soul which we call: humanity.
She looks so out of place, in the cramped cafe where shrieks of joys keep erupting and loud kisses pop on cheeks every time another storyteller comes in, she waits patiently, she sometimes nods at someone, quietly.
Then the stage, which is set up in the old 'cave' of the cafe (the basements of Parisian building tend to be gorgeous wine cellars) opens, and she is the first downstairs, she sets her glass of sparkling water on the table right in front of the stage, and waits. It's open mic stage for storytellers at 'le cafe des trois arts".
Three of four storytellers come up before she finally steps on stage, she turns around to face us, and at first I can't recognize the grayish old lady anymore. I can't quite pin it, same gray bobbed hair, same hunched shoulders and marine sweater, it must be the mischievous grin, she smiles like a child who knows something really funny and can't belieeeeeve we have not heard it yet!
She starts, in the most humble way, to tell us a short story collected in a village in the 19th century by a priest. It's a simple joke about a man who falls in the stairs and breaks his leg, the doctor prescribes a plaster to be applied "where your husband's hurt his leg" but the leg won't heal...so, the doctor is called back, and he asks why the wife did not apply the plaster, "oh but I did just like you said, I applied it in the stairs...seeing how that's where my husband done broke his leg".
That's it, simple short, like my mom would say, it wouldn't be worth breaking three legs off a duck (idiom for: it's not mind blowingly great).
But the thing is this: we were all riveted, and when she delivers the last line, everyone is cracking up. Now I know you're going to say: "it's open mic night, people are generous with their laughter both because they hope people will also laugh when they themselves are on stage, and because they've had one too many glasses of Hydromel the honeyed liquor of Gods."
But it's something else.
She doesn't gesticulate on stage, occupy the stage, hypnotize us with magnetic eye contact, or even add poetic or brilliant images to the story. Nope. I'm pretty sure her version is 99% what it was in the book she read it in, and I bet she neither rehearsed it with rehearsing buddy, nor questioned the symbolic of tale, nor even wondered why she liked this story, and picked it, and wanted to tell it. It seems she uses none of the tricks of the trained storyteller, but a wonderful storyteller she is, there is no doubt about it.
After the open mic, while the featured storyteller is warming up for the second part of the evening, we're back in the cafe, this time all at the same table, and I'm the one having the boring sparkling water because telling my story left me thirsty and let's face it, you can only drink so many glasses, of apple cognac, no matter how local it is.
French storytellers are drilling me on Turkish stories, but I want to find out more about my mischievous lady, I've seen her real face on stage, I know it, she can put the mask back on all she wants, I know the sparkle in her eye, and the light that burns bright inside, the woman is a riot, pretending to be invisible.
Big cities will do this, some people let themselves fade away.
I ask, she spills.
The story comes right out:
She never thought she would ever step on a stage and tell stories in front of an audience, but she was magically attracted by a storytelling workshop some 4 years ago. She thought she'd just watch once, decide it wasn't her, and walk back to her one bedroom flat and her cat. You see she was not what you'd call performer material, No mam, not the type!
But she liked it, decided to stay, she's been doing it for years now, her first open stage? She never even got on stage, she was waaay too scared! But the next she did, and she has been at it ever since. My mom told me that she has seen her all over, she's always there, anytime there's an open mic, she comes with hunched shoulders, quietly sips her mineral water, steps on stage and cracks everybody up. "I'm not really sure why, but ever since the beginning I've always told these village jokes, they're almost a specialty of mine, it's strange....(she seems thoughtful, but really she is checking me out from the corner of her eye)...it's strange considering I'm not really what you'd call a funny person!" She can tell I'm not buying it and she cracks the weirdest smile, it looks like she's biting her lower lip, while lifting her upper lip to reveal a row of straight teeth, but the mischievous childish glint in her eye is back, I know her, and she knows I do, she's a funny woman, who only gets to show it once in a while, with the power of storytelling.
The thing is this...how come a shy woman can climb on stage, and tell a memorable story that will remain in people's minds for years, even though she has none of the stage tricks of professional performers?
Because storytelling is not theater, it's not a stage art, (even though it often happens on stage), it is not about strutting your ego on stage, it's about baring your soul. Showing your authentic self.
And what's more you shouldn't do it for all to see, but in the service of a story that touched the aforementioned soul. The story chooses you. It says: "tell me, with all you've got, use your inner self as the plate to serve me on, but remember, when the food is good, no one notices the plate".
And this funny woman, she reads stories that crack her up, at home with her cat on her lap, and the glint in her eye comes, and I imagine she thinks: "now this, I absolutely HAVE to tell someone!" And what she shares when she shares the story with a group of strangers in a Parisian cellar, is a part of herself that most people never get to see.
Why do we have to show our authentic selves when we tell?
To me this is what storytelling is about, it's about, through stories, connecting soul to soul, as humans, and recognizing we are all connected and one, through the large soul which we call: humanity.
26 Mart 2013 Salı
How I met the world of stories...
At yesterday's storytelling evening, my friend and storytelling ally Nazli asked me point blank why I became a storyteller. I was a little startled, and didn't have much time to think, so I just blurbed something about how lots of stories were told in the commune I grew up in.
Then later (now) thinking about it, I thought that there might be something here.
How does one decide that telling stories is so important that they are going to make this innocuous pastime the center of their lives?
A good friend of mine, who is an amazing guitar player, told me that he first learned to play in high school, to get this guitar playing cute girl to notice him....She never did, but it worked later... on others.
I guess that's why I started, to be noticed, by some really good storytellers. A few years before I came to this world, my parents as part of "the return to the land" movement, sold all they had and moved to an big old house in Burgundy, there many people came to weave, die wool with plants, learn how to spin wool...etc.
Why would anyone want to spin by hand in a industrial world?? You know what my answer will be...stories!
When your hands are busy, and the looms pedals mark a nice wooden rhythmic tune...the only thing missing is a story. A room full of people working with their hands, starts with something wonderful: calm silence.
Not the kind of silence where everyone is making to-do-list in their heads (metro silence) not the kind of silence where people are highly concentrated trying to solve a problem (exam room silence) no calm, non-busy, open silence, the kind in which we can stay.
This is the ideal soil for the story seed to grow.
There is a reason why they call it "to spin a story".
"pong, frrrup, shik shik...pong, frrrup, shik shik....pong, frrrup, shik shik" (loom pedals and comb sounds...)
The sounds, the quality of the silence, and then the words, the story, a great listening quality, and the weavers taking this newly spun story and adding it to their own fabric of images, sensations and experiences.
In this house I knew very early on that silence was beautiful and if I wanted to earn the right to break the silence, I needed to spin a good tale.
To this crowd of utopians, topic was important, message essential. A mistake in timing or a twist lacking in originality and you would have to surrender the group's attention to someone else, or to the rhythmic silence.
It is with this audience that I first learned how to weave my experiences into stories. They had all the qualities of an ideal story listening audience:
They liked stories, but they also enjoyed silence.
They were good listeners and they had nowhere to go.
They were picky, but when a story was good they would let you know.
They told lots of stories.
A story is a yarn, and a storyteller either spins it or weaves it, or both.
As a child of course I learned to weave like everyone else in the commune, I made my school bags, and my blankets, still today many of my bags are hand-woven, but today I realize that sitting on the loom all those years, I really learned to weave a different kind of yarn.
Then later (now) thinking about it, I thought that there might be something here.
How does one decide that telling stories is so important that they are going to make this innocuous pastime the center of their lives?
A good friend of mine, who is an amazing guitar player, told me that he first learned to play in high school, to get this guitar playing cute girl to notice him....She never did, but it worked later... on others.
I guess that's why I started, to be noticed, by some really good storytellers. A few years before I came to this world, my parents as part of "the return to the land" movement, sold all they had and moved to an big old house in Burgundy, there many people came to weave, die wool with plants, learn how to spin wool...etc.
Why would anyone want to spin by hand in a industrial world?? You know what my answer will be...stories!
When your hands are busy, and the looms pedals mark a nice wooden rhythmic tune...the only thing missing is a story. A room full of people working with their hands, starts with something wonderful: calm silence.
Not the kind of silence where everyone is making to-do-list in their heads (metro silence) not the kind of silence where people are highly concentrated trying to solve a problem (exam room silence) no calm, non-busy, open silence, the kind in which we can stay.
This is the ideal soil for the story seed to grow.
There is a reason why they call it "to spin a story".
"pong, frrrup, shik shik...pong, frrrup, shik shik....pong, frrrup, shik shik" (loom pedals and comb sounds...)
The sounds, the quality of the silence, and then the words, the story, a great listening quality, and the weavers taking this newly spun story and adding it to their own fabric of images, sensations and experiences.
In this house I knew very early on that silence was beautiful and if I wanted to earn the right to break the silence, I needed to spin a good tale.
To this crowd of utopians, topic was important, message essential. A mistake in timing or a twist lacking in originality and you would have to surrender the group's attention to someone else, or to the rhythmic silence.
It is with this audience that I first learned how to weave my experiences into stories. They had all the qualities of an ideal story listening audience:
They liked stories, but they also enjoyed silence.
They were good listeners and they had nowhere to go.
They were picky, but when a story was good they would let you know.
They told lots of stories.
A story is a yarn, and a storyteller either spins it or weaves it, or both.
As a child of course I learned to weave like everyone else in the commune, I made my school bags, and my blankets, still today many of my bags are hand-woven, but today I realize that sitting on the loom all those years, I really learned to weave a different kind of yarn.
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